|Review: Manowar - The Triumph of Steel|
|The Triumph of Steel|
Label: Atlantic Records
Year released: 1992
Genre: Heavy Metal
Review online: June 7, 2004
Reviewed by: Sargon the Terrible
for:The Triumph of Steel
Rated 3.81/5 (76.19%) (84 Votes)
This is the seventh full-length album put out by the tireless Manowar, and I hate it. So if you are a rabid Manowar fan, by all means feel free to email me and tell me what a pussy I am for thinking that this album blows donkeys.
This is an incredibly boring and retarded album by a band who never impressed me that much and whose overblown image and inflated ego cries out for some well-deserved lampooning. Now make no mistake: I love True Metal, and I will overlook a lot of cheesiness if a band kicks ass. (i.e. Dream Evil, Bal Sagoth, Cryonic Temple) but if you are going to go on about how great you are, and how metal you are, you had better not record an album as utterly tedious as this one.
First, we have the production, which may be a very professional and no doubt expensive job, but it sucks. It is very heavy on the drums and the vocals, but the guitar tone is crap. Tell me how exactly one is supposed to be a metal band with such a weak and low-mixed guitar sound? It sounds like a Chuck Berry guitar, except for a few places (as on "The Demon's Whip") where they try to heavy it up and instead make it sound like it's being played inside a tin shack. There are some OK riffs on here, but with such a muted guitar and the overbearing drums and yapping vocals all over, I can hardly hear them.
Second, the songs suck. First we get an interminable 'concept' song about the Trojan War, which might be cool if it had anything to it at all, as it is it seems mostly an excuse for sound effects, narration, and an endless drum solo. The thing is half an hour long, and there are long stretches with literally nothing happening, just silence, or one three-note guitar riff played over and over and over. And then the endless drum solo. Vomit. After Manowar have bored the life out of you, they keep doing it with more songs that have all the same stigmata as the first 'epic': lousy sound, no catchy vocal lines or hooks, and long, looong stretches of silence, or sound effects so quiet they might as well be silent. This is an album that never gets off its ass and moves. It just lays there like a slug, limps along here and there, then stops again for more self-indulgent bullshit. Even when a track shows some promise, as on "The Power Of Thy Sword", it is quickly yanked back down by inaudible interludes and instrumental wankering. This album is like trying to jerk off and being constantly interrupted by your mom – every time you think things are getting going, it stops cold.
Buy this album if you want to be bored. The only thing about this remotely worth having is the cool foldout mini-poster by Ken Kelly with all the hot naked chicks on it. As far as music goes, this is annoying at best, and as far as metal goes, this is a joke. Manobore is more like it. The only steel here is the money stolen from everybody who bought this.
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