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Review: Steel Attack - Carpe DiEnd
Steel Attack
www.steelattack.com
Carpe DiEnd

Label: Massacre Records
Year released: 2008
Duration: 48:27
Tracks: 11
Genre: Power Metal

Rating: 1.5/5

Review online: September 9, 2009
Reviewed by: Larry Griffin
Readers Rating
for:
Carpe DiEnd

Rated 2.59/5 (51.82%) (22 Votes)
Review


You know there's something wrong when you can spot a flaw before you even turn on the first song. Look at that horrible pun in the title! You thought Sinctuary was bad? Get a load of this one; it's positively gut-busting hilariously awful! You can't just title your album something like that and expect people to take it the least bit seriously, but lo and behold, that's the first real problem with this album, because they do expect us to buy it, hook, line and sinker.

Why? Because both the music and lyrics on here are just so extremely over-dramatic and super-serious that it's like night and day from that stupid title! I mean, this is just full of slow sections that accentuate vocal midget Ronny Hemlin's voice, letting him be all superfluous and show off how much he can make his voice vibrate and whatnot. The lyrics are super serious crisis-of-faith babbling that I'd expect from a traveling group of Jehovah's Witnesses or Armageddon theorists rather than a Power Metal band; completely non sequitur to anything that genre or any metal genre professes. Everything about this is just too dark, with lots of choirs and cinematic synths and a whole slew of moribund grooves and dramatic melodies that just makes you feel like the band are the musical equivalent of the worst teacher you ever had, barring you from having any fun at all. This...just doesn't work, guys. It just makes you look silly.

Let me try to elaborate on this a little better: It's like if a clown named Bubbles tried to pass himself off as a Gothic poet. I just don't buy the entire idea of this album's existence. You title an album something stupid, you better not expect anybody to really take you seriously, no matter how artsy you think you are. Once you write down a title like Carpe DiEnd, you have officially barred yourself from creating anything remotely artistic. And I wouldn't even be ragging on them so much about it if the band hadn't tried so goddamn hard to be like that, but it's like they were stumbling over their own instruments trying to make something as depressive and "deep" as possible. This album is as fraudulent as they come, without even one ounce of sincerity or one note that isn't ludicrously over-the-top try-hard bullcrap.

Ronny Hemlin's vocal's don't help either. God, who ever thought it was a good idea to let this guy behind the mic again? I bet they cry themselves to sleep every night now. The last album I heard from this band was Enslaved, and from what I remember, he sounded passable on there, but here he's just laughable. He over-emphasizes everything, sounding out each syllable like he's trying to make sure we can hear him, and the way his voice warbles and tries to reach highs he can't hit really, really make this sound stupider and stupider as it goes on. It's like if Daniel Heiman had a mouthful of jelly; it's just silly as hell. Good god, he sounds like a fucking parrot half the time on here! I mean, maybe with a good vocalist this album might be a little bit better, but this just seals the deal for good.

Frankly, I listen to music to enjoy it, I don't listen to it to hear a bunch of idiots trying to show off angsty poetry and bad groove riffs, and I don't see why anyone would. And just in case you forgot, to top it all off, this album was made by a bunch of guys who think Carpe DiEnd is a clever pun. Why hasn't the world laughed this band off the map again? Their whole existence sounds like the punch line of a bad joke, anyway. "So the Power Metal band that lost most of their members got a bald guy to sing for them and write Christian lyrics, and wallowed forever in overwrought depression and overblown theatrics." This album sucks, no two ways about it. If you have a chance to pass up this sad, sad piece of musical excrement, do so, and don't ever look back.

Other related information on the site
Review: Carpe DiEnd (reviewed by Sargon the Terrible)
Review: Enslaved (reviewed by Sargon the Terrible)
Review: Fall Into Madness (reviewed by Michel Renaud)
Review: Predator of the Empire (reviewed by Sargon the Terrible)
Review: Where Mankind Fails (reviewed by Michel Renaud)
Interview with guitarist John Allan on September 20, 2001 (Interviewed by Michel Renaud)
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