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by Christian Renner

It has been some time since I went off on a rant about something or another. Well kids all that is about to change because plain and simple I am ready to fuckin' snap.

It all started innocently enough the day after Christmas. It was a nice day, the kids were happy with their gifts; even the cat and dog were getting along with one another. It was like a scene out of one of those cheesy ass Christmas movies. How was I to know that it was going to turn from "It's a Wonderful Life" to "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation"? You see I got a gift from my wife that I was absolutely thrilled with. She got me a 60GB iPOD Video so I decided to start going through my CD collection and decide what to put on the iPOD. You must bear in mind that I have somewhere between 2500 to 3000 CD's so there was no option of adding everything and as hard as it may be to believe I have a few albums that simply suck. I knew that this task of going through my collection would be time consuming but I didn't realize how annoying it would be. You see there are more than a few albums that I haven't listened to in quite some time so I decided I should listen to all of them one at time. That is where the dark clouds started to move in.

You see it is not that I had to listen to the CD's that was annoying it was simply the fact that damn near 80% of them had a FUCKING INTRO / PROLOGUE / SEGUEWAY / INSTRUMENTAL…whatever you want to fucking call it really doesn't matter because it is simply FUCKING ANNOYING!!! I can understand if the album is a concept album and it is somehow or another adding to the overall story but it seems as of late there is no reason whatsoever for the inclusion of this waste of my time. I have a pet peeve about bands that have hidden tracks on their CD's or even worse simply dead air at the end but this Intromania is really getting out of hand as well. What is the fucking purpose of adding a track that takes up in some cases a couple of minutes worth of time that adds absolutely nothing to the overall feel of the album? I have never in my entire life listened to an album and thought to myself "Man that album sucked overall but that intro was fucking AWESOME!!!" I would even go so far as to say I can never see a time in the future where that will be the case. If this bit of instrumental crap wasn't good enough to turn into an actual song why put the shit on the album at all?

I know I am not the only one that thinks that this is annoying and to be honest I never really noticed how annoyed I was by this until I have been listening to 15 different albums a day and at least 10 of those will have a damn intro. Before I started on this quest of listening to every one of my albums I would have sworn to you that this is mainly an issue reserved for power and prog metal but now I realize there is no genre specific offender for this heinous crime against humanity. I even found some bands that take it another step further by having intro's to damn near every song on the album. Now that is simply uncalled for.

I won't name specific bands (hell the website only has so much space) but they as well as you know who they are. I would even go so far as to say that out of every 10 CD's you as the reader of this own there will be at least 5 that have some sort of intro or instrumental track. No one has ever bought an album for the "killer intro track" and no one ever will. These serve absolutely no purpose for the most part so why the hell is this so damn prevalent? Is it a peer pressure thing? Are some bands telling other bands that if they don't have an intro track on their album they just aren't cool enough? Please for the love of my sanity (which I am sure I lost halfway into my quest) will someone please tell me the purpose of trying to find so many different ways to waste time on metal albums? I am actually at the point of taking away a quarter point straight off the top of any album I review that has a damn intro track. Whatever happened to going into the recording studio and taking your ten or twelve best songs and getting them down without trying to prove how fucking "artsy" you can be? This just really has to stop.

If you are one of those people that are not bothered at all by this then all I can say to you is….never mind.

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