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My Midnight Things, seventh studio album by Lizzy Borden and his helpers, throws every piece of metal and attitude that once were running in their blood and substitutes it with bland, uninspired, weak and annoying arena rock (starting by that weak-ass title). The title track – which opens the album – shows Lizzy Borden flirting with this hateful approach, slowly kicking out the Heavy Metal to make room for whatever bullshit was going on inside Borden's head.

This only continues from then on, with only a few glimpses of the interesting and decent songwriting that made these guys famous and respected in the first place. Tracks like "Obsessed With You", "Long May They Haunt Us" and "The Scar Across My Heart" sound like they were taken out from a split between late 2000s Bon Jovi and (pick your era) U2. Pop guitar tuning, extremely melodic vocal lines and a weak-ass tempo plague the songs and turn the majority of the album into a snooze fest.

I would add to this another criminally bad part of the album, which is the closer "We Belong to the Shadows". This is the perfect song for those who seek to do a semi-manly rendition of a crossover between Mamma Mia and Cats. This is one of the most cheesy, flowery and purposeless track I've heard since reviewing the equally crappy Hands of Fate album by Savage Messiah last year (I hate my life).

Hiding below all the "oh, ohs", soap opera moments and shameful lyrics, though, are some salvageable bits. "A Stranger to Love" rescues the band's Hard Rock side, and "Our Love Is God" – despite being extremely modern-sounding at times – is a cool tune with heavier guitars and more aggressive playing by Joey Scott Harges in the drums, which provides the listener with at least some fresh air to breathe – which hopefully will prevent some suicides.

This is, by far, the worst album in Lizzy Borden's career. Like I said above, the musical direction and the bland, safe performances completely destroy the chances of this being a commendable work by these dudes. Seeing this as a comeback of sorts, as this is their first record in eleven years, I would strongly recommend that either Borden and company listen to some real Metal and try to build it from there, or just blow their brains out altogether. Run the fuck away from this.