• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5

Opeth can bite me. I am so fed up with this obnoxiously precious band getting their salad tossed all over the place. "Ohhhh they're so artistic! Ooooo! So emotional!" Get a grip. This album is a tedious 60 minute exercise in staying awake with exactly one highlight – the end.

Opeth – the rectal thermometer of the Gothernburg scene – have managed to combine the tired and dull self-absorption of the Swedish Melodic Death metal sound with the self-conscious artiness and pretension of Prog Metal to produce an abhorrent spawn of both that is somehow much worse than you would expect. Like Gothenburg bands they have a flat, uninspired production and bored-sounding growly vocals, and like prog bands they write ungodly long songs for no apparent reason, can't write a song that sounds like a song, and do weird stuff with their instruments just to make sure we all know how Talented they are.

I hate this album, and I could not possibly list here all the things about it that annoy me. From Mikeal Akerfeldt's completely enervated, wussy grunts to the repetitive, uninspired riffs that go on and on and on. I hate the way this stops every 6 bars to stick in a dull acoustic part. I hate the vague 70's flourishes on the bass parts. I hate the whole ostentatious we're-so gloomy-and-sad feel to the whole rotten package. Maybe people who like to wear black eyeshadow to Denny's and cry in the bathroom really like this kind of scummy goth crapola, but it bores me to death. I am convinced that Opeth fans are just Dream Theater fans in drag – and that is a thought to make your flesh crawl.

Do not be fooled by the constant lauding of this band by people who assume anything that makes no sense to them must be deep and meaningful. This album sucks. Repeated listens will only increase your desire to drill a hole in your head to let the boredom out. I too once felt uncomfortable disliking this band – I felt that since so many people rave about them, there must be something I'm missing. Bullshit. I am glad to finally embrace my loathing of all things Opeth. And note: I will not deny they are musically talented, that's why they get a point. And don't email me telling me that this and such Opeth album is better and I should listen to that one. I have had it with this crappy band, and if I never hear another one of their rambling, shapeless excuses for songs it will be too soon. If you enjoy hard-hitting, powerful, exciting music, then stay the Hell away from Opeth.