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Do I seriously have "shit-faced-metaller-who-will-part-with-hard-earned-cash-for-bullshit-artists" branded on my forehead? I think not. How a respected label like Crash can propagate this chimerical twaddle is incongruous. I mean come on; the bands they imitate aren't worth ejaculating over never mind a mere third-rate bunch of inbred turkey guzzlers like these Americans. You think the artwork looks good? Forget it. About as progressive as AC/DC, "Summoning" sums up mediocre with a bullet. Sounding like a car crash heap of Creed, Nevermore and Mastodon, Twelfth Gate's arrogance is atrocious, and whilst Travis Smith's intelligent artwork is appealing, their music certainly isn't.

Blasting riffs under blurred production, frantic double bass through tightly coiled springs and sonorous, finger-licking deep vocals make a good job of erasing this entire disk from memory. Scott Huffman's Bruce Dickinson-like upper range is quite admirable, but he uses it little, favouring the self-pacifying Matt Barlow swoon. The only things slightly recommendable about "Summoning" is the NWOBHM-style guitar harmonies of "Orpheus", and the somewhat Steel Prophet-esque ending of opener "Mortal Coil" – and you expect to flash 15 gold coins for that? No, sir!

Surprisingly, I have heard a lot of praise for Twelfth Gate, but this kind of non-marketable crap really doesn't cut the cheese with me. They might have supported Blind Guardian and Symphony X, but their debut album unfortunately summons up nothing but my breakfast. Stay well clear.