|Review: Burning In Hell - Believe|
Label: Encore Records
Year released: 2006
Genre: Power Metal
Review online: April 30, 2009
Reviewed by: Larry Griffin
Wow. Just, wow. This fucking sucks, man. I know that isn't a very good way to start off a review, but it's honestly, truly the best way I can possibly think of to kick this one off. I mean, I haven't heard anything this bad out of the Power Metal genre since fucking Cydonia. This is some of the most vile, wretched puke I've ever heard passed off as Power Metal. It's completely unmemorable, relentlessly mediocre and annoying and it is as monotonous as music can possibly get without being white noise. It's even more of a punch in the gut when you remember that this same band showed quite a lot of promise on their eponymous debut album two years before this, but I had better stop mentioning quality music in this review before the hideous stench of Believe taints it...let's just get on with this gutless, inhumane slaughter of my eardrums, then:
There is absolutely no sense of coherence or musical harmony on this album. Nothing seems to go together. It's all a big jumble of Angra-fellatio and a lot of haphazardly constructed riffs that I bet monkeys could play better. This should be epic and compelling, but it isn't; it's just embarrassing and childish. The Angra influences are really overbearing, and they're done so horribly that I'm inclined to think this was some sort of ridiculous parody album, or some shit. Nothing really sounds convincing here. Just sounding like Angra isn't enough to be good; you have to actually tie your songs together, too. The vocalist kind of sounds like Edu Falaschi and the music is generally on the same wavelength of musical inclinations (Brazillian folk, but much less prominent here), but it's just done in a very bumbling and 'two-left-feet' sort of way that ends up more enervated than epic.
There are a lot of outside elements subtly included here, but do you really care? Does the inclusion of vaguely tribal and ethnic influences really matter to you when you're faced with the bland power chords and randomly twiddling bass guitar lines of the rest of these songs? In fact, that's a very odd predicament this seems to have. This album is seriously so bad that it actually not only loses your attention, but sort of forces it away, like it's self-conscious of how bad it really is. It's hard to accurately describe, but it's like every time I try to listen to this, my brain starts grasping at straws for other things to focus on, anything that is not this album. It's such an overpowering urge that I bet this band could include random snippets from completely alien genres like polka or disco or some shit like that, and I wouldn't even notice. That would be an interesting experiment, and someone should try it. Either way, the album is still crap.
These songs go in one ear and out the other. They start off promising, but then before you know it, you forget what you're listening to and your mind is being slowly burned into a gooey pulp by the ridiculously mundane and pointless stuff that this album is made of. The vocals are all either sing-songy crap with little to no effort put into them or a really horrible Alexi Laiho-esque yowl that I can't stand at all. Just listen to the clean-harsh vocal trade off chorus on "Medusa;" how could any functioning human being possibly think that was a good idea? It's absolutely atrocious. Just listen to the flat and uninspired riffs that the band exports in songs like the title track, or the stale Power Metal pot luck of influences on songs like "Code of Honor," which just sounds tired and bored. The songwriting on here is just flat out horrendous all around, never sticking to one idea or thematic long enough for anyone to care and always managing to piss me off wholeheartedly.
This doesn't even sound like the same band as on the debut. What happened? Did they just...get abducted by aliens and have their brains cut out like in Planet of the Apes or some shit like that? It seriously doesn't make any sense to me. They sound like completely different bands. It's a completely different sound; there are no similarities at all. The debut was cool, fast and energized, and this one sounds like, well, the musical equivalent of the band banging their heads on wooden desks until their brains leaked out.
Ugh, it isn't even like they were uniformly bad here. Just...ugh. There are some honestly good ideas on this album, like the intros of several songs, and a few riffs or melodies here and there that honestly sound like they could have blossomed into something quite good, if not great. But those moments are just teasers, apparently, as none of them are ever really elaborated upon or stretched into quality music. This stuff even sounds like it should be good, but it just never really delivers. It's too boring, too inept and too schizophrenic to leave any impact at all. It's like the band wrote the music for this album with their pens in between their toes instead of in their hands. Yergh, you know what? I'm done with this festering musical piss pile; this is just painful. I don't know about you, but the only thing I believe about this is that Burning in Hell fucking BLOW, and you can quote me on that. Goodnight and good riddance to this stinker, and may it rest forever in shame.
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