• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5

Goddamn, what is that horrible screeching? Did someone step on the cat's tail again? It's positively unbearable! What, did the train whistle break? It's a bit too grating for that, but it's the only example I can...think of.

Oh. Wait. Frozen Tears were just rehearsing again. This band from Italy is widely known for their vocal annoyances, having broken every window within a mile radius of their recording studio and made several would-be producers and reviewers too deaf to finish the job that I am now undertaking. Folks, it wasn't easy reviewing a band in which the vocals alternate between sounding like a screeching tin-whistle and a constipated gnome, but Frozen Tears' Slaves, once I got past that hurdle, proved to be pretty okay.

Yeah, this really isn't that bad, despite some slight annoyances on the vocal front. The band plays Heavy Metal in the style of every band that came before them. Riffs are stolen, but they're still alright. The guitar tone reminds me of any number of bands from Primal Fear to Axel Rudi Pell. The band is at their best when they chug out a large amount of riffs without stopping, preventing the vocalist from trying to add his, uh, creative input to the band. The best songs are "Run Fast" and "Strong Enough," simply for this very fact, as well as the instrumental godsend "Nec Plus Ultra." Other songs are okay, too, but mainly the problem is just one of Stagnation – there aren't any ideas here you haven't already heard, and they aren't done with enough flair or unique style to stand out. The band plays solid music, but it isn't really something I'd choose over, say, Running Wild.

But I am still haunted by the vocals. While the galloping tour de force of opener "Still Alive" (haven't heard that song title before) or "Wild Beasts" seems harmless enough, it is naught but a smokescreen for the piercing whistle of the screechy, bat-like vocals – my ears! They bleed! Fuck, I hope you're happy, guys. And "Blindfold Eyes" is just horrible, too; more like "blindfold ears." Constipation has never sounded so ghastly. Frozen Tears, I'm going to have to forward you the bill for my newfound tinnitus that has been brought upon by listening to this album. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go wash the blood out of my ears again.