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I've heard a lot of bad Heavy Metal music in my nearly 30 years of being a fan, but Heavy Metal Poison from Greece's Witchcurse takes the cake. I kept wondering if this was, in fact, a joke, when I played it, but no, the band has been around for five years and this is their second release. I'm no musician but even I can tell when a band lacks talent and Witchcurse lack talent in spades.

Where to start? The production is horrible. Heavy Metal Poison sounds like it was recorded on a boombox in the band's practice space. The bass is inaudible until about halfway through the album and every other instrument sounds like it is in another room. Early Iron Maiden is the clear reference point and guitarists Stinky (seriously? That's the most "metal" nickname you could come up with?) and Necro do their best to emulate that twin guitar sound, occasionally succeeding. However, the songwriting is rudimentary, which the band tries to pass off as "old school." The cherry on top of this steaming pile is the vocal work of singer/bassist Possessed. I don't think I've ever heard anyone sing this badly on a "professional" release before. Horribly off key and out of tune throughout much of the album he ups the ante every now and then by completely losing the beat.

About the only thing Heavy Metal Poison has going for it is that it is, in fact, Heavy Metal. Awful Heavy Metal that only someone with a tin ear could appreciate.